Doodles, Doubt, and Reclaiming Your Creativity

on sketching

“But it doesn’t look like a *real* apple,” cried mouse.

“And why,” asked fox, “does that matter?”

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Mobile: Doodlesquig, sometimes, when I’m waiting for paint to dry, I doodle with wire.
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Did you doodle as a kid? Do you doodle now?

When I was a kid, I sketched. And there was a difference.

Colored pencils and fat markers. Mercer Mayer monsters and kooky cartoons.

But, somewhere in my teen years, I would start a drawing – of a car, a tree, a person – and when the drawing didn’t look like the thing, I would quickly transform it into squiggles and abstract shapes … as if that was my intention all along.

And I got praise for this: “So unique.” “So creative.”

So eventually, even though I wanted to sketch, I began with a doodle instead.

Years ago, I told a counselor about this; shared that I see these vivid images in my mind, but can’t bring them to life on paper.

She paused for a second, and I was sure she was going to ask me if I ever really tried.

Because that was what I felt, “If I only really tried, I could do it.” But I didn’t try and I got praise for it; for something that – at its root – I felt bad about.

But she didn’t.

Instead, she asked: “Do you believe you can draw whatever you want?”

And my answer confused me: “Yes, but no.”

I believed I could, but I didn’t try because I also believed I couldn’t.

How often in life do we get stuck because we wedge ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, between conflicting self-beliefs?

Self-beliefs that so often begin when we’re young.

How often do we actively hide the truth of our resulting decisions – or indecision – even from ourselves?

Why you do what you do matters, in all things.

Self-doubt often hides out in plain sight; waiting patiently for you to re-claim it as your own.

For me, it was bold squiggly lines inked for all to see; yet once I traced the why of those lines back to their beginning, ease resulted.

Now, when I doodle it makes me smile, imagining myself flying on flowy lines, grounded and free.

Yes, I’m still in awe of folks who can draw realistically. But now I celebrate that, as opposed to feel bad about it.

If you doodle, do you know why?