Ovalteenie Kinetic Sculpture | Modern Mobile by Mark Leary Designs
Mobile: Ovalteenie
On fear
“But how do I know it’s safe?” asked bear.
“How do you know it’s not?” replied fox.
“But how do I know it’s safe?” asked bear.
“How do you know it’s not?” replied fox.
Thoughts while making
All
I was doing was ordering a pizza, but if you took a blood pressure
reading at that exact moment, it would’ve been off the charts.
Do you know that feeling when your heart is racing so fast from fear that you can hear it pounding in your ears, that dizzying warmth in your forehead, rapid breathing, the world simultaneously slowing down *and* speeding up, sweat like ink, nauseating?
Ever since I can remember, the telephone scared me. It didn’t matter who it was - grandparents, soccer coaches, den mothers, or even ordering takeout – just thinking about dialing it raised panic.
I was well into adulthood before I felt even remotely comfortable on the phone. And to this day, I still often feel that twinge of fear any time I have to use it.
The funny thing is, once I’m on it, I’m fine. It literally is the moment before I dial it. That’s when fear and anxiousness rear.
Today, I had a meeting with a prospective client. Before the call, those old feelings began to surface. As I reflected on them, what occurred to me was that the pit-in-the-stomach nervousness had very little to do with the phone, it had to do with Before New.
I realized the feeling was the same I experience before a new class, before meeting new people, before that new volunteer gig, and, yes, before talking to a potential new client.
Interesting thing about adrenaline and cortisol which are released during times of fear, they’re also released during times of excitement. So what we feel is part chemical chain reaction, part conditioning. Somewhere along the line, I apparently got the call that new was scary.
The next time I feel that all-too-familiar sensation before doing something new, I’m inviting myself to try on whether it’s fear or consider it may really be excitement. And if it’s the latter, I’m going to warm up the moment with nice words to re-condition a lifetime of Before New patterning.
The shapes of this mobile I painted today remind me my first flip phone, so it felt like the perfect pairing for the topic.
What one of your biggest fears?
